Memories of My Childhood

 or

 What's the Number of that Shrink?

Face it ... If I weren't embarrassed to be here then why would I be wearing this disguise?  It's been a terrible childhood with THEM around.  Always pestering me to pick stuff up, turn off the TV, turn off South Park, stop snacking, let the dumb dog out ... when will they ever stop.  I go walking in the neighborhood with my Dad sometimes.  He talks to everytbody on the street he passes - even people he don't know and he always says weird stuff.  That's why I gotta wear these ... otherwise I couldn't show my face in school.  I learned this trick from a movie with Woody Allen.  I feel the same way as his parents did about him only it's worse - it's MY parents that are the crazy ones.

The stupid black and white movies the old man watches - same old boring stuff.  They make the rocket out of cardboard and spray it with silver paint and then when this hokey monster comes out you're supposed to act scared.  I just want to barf - my old man is lame with a capital L.  Real loser.  He actually likes those dumb movies.  See what I mean ... it's a tough life here for me - he's always trying to get me to watch them - I'd rather apply hot wax to my eyelids.

Then the chores ....


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